Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

Many stroke survivors look back on their attack as a stroke of luck. Of course, by luck they mean horrible paralysis.

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.

Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.