That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.
What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.
One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.