Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.

I'm of the generation of kids where the G.I. Joe's developed Kung Fu Grip right around the same time I did.

Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.

My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.