Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.