Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.

For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.

59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.

I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.

Even if I say, Everyone in the village died of diarrhea, I still laugh a little after diarrhea.

Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.