To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.

Death's vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

In a world of war, pain and suffering, all I want for Christmas is an underwater watch and a silver clutch rod for my dirt bike.