In a world of war, pain and suffering, all I want for Christmas is an underwater watch and a silver clutch rod for my dirt bike.

Can you have a seance to summon the ghost of a dead zombie?

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.

I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

Chocolate covered peanuts, chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered pretzels... Chocolate. So afraid to be alone.