As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.

Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!

Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

I'll never be alone, because I'll always have My Problems with me!

I was an altar boy in the Roman Catholic Church and no priest ever laid a hand on me. That's me, always the bridesmaid.

I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.