I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

I'm only afraid of dying if I'm to be held accountable for what I did while living. If there's no God or reckoning, I'm like, whew!