It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.
To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.