Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.

I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.

I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.