I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.

I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones.

Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.

The average permanent lasts about four months.

In a world of war, pain and suffering, all I want for Christmas is an underwater watch and a silver clutch rod for my dirt bike.

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?