Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.
One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.