If I had a Volkswagon Beetle. I'd paint the front to resemble Glenn Langdon in War Of The Colossal Beast. Why? Two words: The Ladies.

Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.

Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.