If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana GouldCowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana GouldIt's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.
Dana GouldIf my dog wants to know why I didn't feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I'm telling him a joke.
Dana GouldIf anything, I believe that when I die, I will have to stand in front of all the children who went to bed hungry while I was on earth and read aloud a list of my eBay purchases. I shudder to think of it. Explaining to a poor child with a swollen belly why I didn't give his village fifty cents a week but spent twenty-seven dollars in a bidding war for a Mars Attacks coffee cup.
Dana Gould