Life imitates art but art intimidates life.

I once felt bad because I had no shoes, and then I met a man who had no feet. He was wearing an ankle bracelet that kept falling off.

Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

One of the coolest things about the word boobs is, when you look at it, it has boobs.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.