Life imitates art but art intimidates life.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.

You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

That which does not kill you isn't finished.