If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.

Marriage is like a row boat: it fits two, it doesn't work on auto-pilot and it's very difficult to have sex in.

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?

Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.

Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.

Corn is the only food you hold like corn.

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.