If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll die of cancer.

Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.