As anyone who's ever adopted a dog will tell you, there's always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door.

The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.

59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.

I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.

I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.

Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.

Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.