As anyone who's ever adopted a dog will tell you, there's always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door.

There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.

As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.

I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.