I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.

As anyone who's ever adopted a dog will tell you, there's always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door.

The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.

Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?