As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.

I've often been accused of being the comic's comic. It's a bad business model when your fans are the people who get in free.

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone.

You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.

Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?