We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right

I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers.

Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.

I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?