One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

Life imitates art but art intimidates life.

Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.

I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.

We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.