One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.

I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.