The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.

The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.

Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.

If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.

My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.