The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.

New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.

I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.