There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones.

Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.