There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

Being funny is not the same as being happy.

For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.