I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.

The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.

It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.

Our grocery store now has self-checkout, for your convenience. It's like getting punched in the throat, for your comfort.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?