If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.

The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.

Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!

There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.

Our grocery store now has self-checkout, for your convenience. It's like getting punched in the throat, for your comfort.

A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.