If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.

I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to go about it and I was right.

I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.