If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.

I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.

Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.

If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.

I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.

I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.