The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.
One of the coolest things about the word boobs is, when you look at it, it has boobs.
When all the people covered in tattoos turn about 70 years old, they're going to look like a strange race of melting clowns.
My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.