Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.
My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
Why do old people drive with their mouths open?