Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.

There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.

Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?

The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.

I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.