Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.

I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.

I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian has a conversation and is then quizzed on what the other person says.

There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.