Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.