I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.

Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!

59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.

It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.