Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.

I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, that poor woman.

Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

As hipster chicks age, and their skin starts to sag, tramp stamps sink below waistbands, like the sun slipping into the sea.

When you break life down, it's about 100% time management.