Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.

Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.