When you're 17 years old, you have no idea who you are as a person, so there's no way you can be a good performer. You can't be a good comedian, because you don't know who you are, you don't know what you're saying. Stand-up is nothing but an expression of self-awareness. It wasn't until I was 23, 24 that I got to have a handle on a perspective on life, where I became decent. And I was just a terribly socially awkward younger person.
Dana GouldIf I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.
Dana GouldThe man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana GouldThe Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Dana GouldI am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.
Dana Gould