A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian has a conversation and is then quizzed on what the other person says.

That which does not kill you isn't finished.

I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.

It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.