I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.

Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.