As hipster chicks age, and their skin starts to sag, tramp stamps sink below waistbands, like the sun slipping into the sea.

Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.

I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.

I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to go about it and I was right.