Being funny is not the same as being happy.
59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.
Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.
My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian has a conversation and is then quizzed on what the other person says.