Death's vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be.

Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.

Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.

As anyone who's ever adopted a dog will tell you, there's always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door.

I've often been accused of being the comic's comic. It's a bad business model when your fans are the people who get in free.

There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.

Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.