I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.

I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get it. You sit here - I'll get it, I'll make it.

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

My first open mic was fantastic. I crushed. And my second mic was as bad as my first one was good.

Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.