I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.

There's a big difference between poll workers and pole workers. Sadly.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?