When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed.
When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.