Chocolate covered peanuts, chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered pretzels... Chocolate. So afraid to be alone.
Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.
Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.
If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!