I'm only afraid of dying if I'm to be held accountable for what I did while living. If there's no God or reckoning, I'm like, whew!

If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.

Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.

If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.

Chocolate covered peanuts, chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered pretzels... Chocolate. So afraid to be alone.