Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?

You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.