Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.

Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.

Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.

I've often been accused of being the comic's comic. It's a bad business model when your fans are the people who get in free.