Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

I'm only afraid of dying if I'm to be held accountable for what I did while living. If there's no God or reckoning, I'm like, whew!

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.

Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.