Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed.

I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.

You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

Being funny is not the same as being happy.