Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?

I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to go about it and I was right.

I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers.

When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.

The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?