A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.

The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.