Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life.

I was an altar boy in the Roman Catholic Church and no priest ever laid a hand on me. That's me, always the bridesmaid.

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.

That which does not kill you isn't finished.

My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.