Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life.

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.

My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

Competition is the death of art.

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.