In the midst of all the candy and commercialism, let's not lose sight of the true meaning of Halloween: tree worship and animal sacrifice.

Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?