How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?

What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.