We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.

Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.