Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same; they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.

There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.

You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.

There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.

I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.