There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows.

In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.

Scatterbrain is one of those harmless little words you use a million times... Then it turns up in a crime scene description.

Can you have a seance to summon the ghost of a dead zombie?

Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.