There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.

I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.