There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.

How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?

When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?

If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.

As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.

The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.