I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.

One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.

When you break life down, it's about 100% time management.

My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.