I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to go about it and I was right.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.

Corn is the only food you hold like corn.

I'm of the generation of kids where the G.I. Joe's developed Kung Fu Grip right around the same time I did.

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.