Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.

If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.

Life imitates art but art intimidates life.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed.

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!