Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.

One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

I'm so weird with women. I couldn't go up to a gorgeous woman and tell her the building's on fire. 'Don't take this the wrong way, uh. I don't mean to be weird and I'm not trying to be creepy, but the building's on fire.

You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. It's like a photo of a drawing of a hologram.

If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.

I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.