Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.

Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.

We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.

A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows.

Death's vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be.

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.