Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.

The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?

Corn is the only food you hold like corn.

Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.