In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?

I'm of the generation of kids where the G.I. Joe's developed Kung Fu Grip right around the same time I did.

If my dog wants to know why I didn't feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I'm telling him a joke.