In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.

I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.

I'm of the generation of kids where the G.I. Joe's developed Kung Fu Grip right around the same time I did.

Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.

A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

Scatterbrain is one of those harmless little words you use a million times... Then it turns up in a crime scene description.

Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.