In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.

Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.

Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.

If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.

If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.